Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:07 pm
You know your a Chef when...
- You know that ratatouille is not a type of rat found in France.
- A seemingly small burn is considered 3rd degree to anyone else.
- You’re highly addicted to something... beer, coffee, cigarettes, drugs, etc.
- The first thing you do when you get to work is drink at least a pint of industrial strength espresso, & then a few more before lunch service.
- You find yourself accidentally shouting 'behind' or 'back' while dodging your way through the supermarket.
- You had to explain to your friends that even though your restaurant closes at 1 am, you would still be working until 2am.
- You eat nothing but take-out food on your days off.
- You know an 10 or 12-hour shift is a quiet day.
- Have ever been asked if you make yourself really good meals at home, and reply by saying "I don't cook when I'm at home because I cook for 12 hours a day at work"
- You point at things with your tongs instead of your finger.
- People don't seem to recognize you without your chef jacket on.
- You have a sausage at a bbq and find some creative way of applying the tomato sauce.
- You have nothing to do on your day off because all of the friends that you have also seem to work in the hospitality industry...and they're the ones who fill in for you when you're not there.
- You work so many days in a row that when you finally get a day off you somehow manage to spend thousands of dollars.
- You constantly smell of the food that you cook but never notice.
- Your car and house also starts to smell like the food that you cook.
- You despise people that tell you how to cook a recipe because they have seen it on tv when you have spent the last fifteen years mastering such a dish.
- You find yourself criticizing and correcting out loud all those cooking shows.
- The first thought at the end of service is beer.
- You can pull any dish out of your ass halfway through service when that one customer wants to be difficult.
- You cut yourself really bad and just strap it up with paper towel and tape with the attitude 'it'll be right mate'
- Your forearms are completely covered in stripes from the oven.
- You used to be a nice person but now you're a complete asshole.
- The most disgusting and offensive topics are found humorous and are a part of daily discussions.
- You can't say a full sentence without using several vulgar profound offensive words.
- No one of your relatives or friends will ask you to cook, as they know full well you will use every pot, pan and kitchen appliance they have and leave it for them to clean up.
- You can actually fine dice an onion without even looking at it.
- You eat and drink out of anything and rarely use cutlery.
- Your term for busy is 'I'm in the shit'
- You spend $200 on a knife for work but you would struggle to even find a sharp steak knife at home.
- You can finish a cigarette in 3 drags.
- You refer to Christmas, Easter and even your birthday as just another day on the line.
- It’s not burnt...its caramelized.
- You can somehow scoff down a whole meal in three bites and in 30 seconds where everyone else takes half an hour.
- Your first reaction to someone else hurting him self or her self is a large burst of laughter.
- You can comfortably pick up smoking hot objects and not feel a thing.
- Boiling water doesn't seem that hot anymore.
- You start to label & date your food at home.
- You can open a bottle of beer with tongs, spoon or even a lighter.
- "2 minutes" is the international saying for "I have no clue how long it will take" 2 minutes can mean anything from 1 minute to half an hour.
- You can still hear the docket printer go off even though you're not at work.
- You have sent someone for a... banana peeler, long wait, soufflé pump, squeegee sharpener, bag of steam, bacon stretcher, left handed spatula, prawn curler
- You have asked someone to... rotate the ice, put on a water reduction, chop the flour,
- You read every single one of these, and know they are all true...
Thu Jan 24, 2013 4:49 pm
Excellent list, I occasionally say "behind" when walking past my girlfriend in the bathroom.
Thu Jan 24, 2013 4:59 pm
When you read this post you get nervous that other people will learn your secrets.
You only ask questions that you already know the answer to.
When you try to get fired, you get a nice promotion.
you stop visiting family because you are unsure what your specialty is.
you shut your mouth even though you are right, but then ask questions to confirm that you are right.
When someone out preforms you, you take on the subject like an olympic champion.
Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:41 pm
good stuff and i do relate. lol.
Fri Jan 25, 2013 7:02 am
I thought I was the only twisted a-hole who laughed at others injuries....newbies don't get it.
If you're not on the floor in a pool of blood, or your skin didn't slide off like a sleeve, suck it up, and put a band aid on it!
Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:09 pm
You suddenly wake up in the middle of the night from your dream about how you can't get the damned salmon cooked, and start worrying that you forgot to order eggs.
You secretly have a backup of almost everything stashed somewhere.
You get irritated by your friends and loved ones when they help you cook because they are doing it wrong.
When you go to the food market, even if only for a few things, you walk down every aisle, and look at almost every food product, the prices, and also walk out with something you didn't need but want to use.
Sat Jan 26, 2013 4:10 am
I'm not a chef or anything (just someone who likes to cook and eat!), but I can relate to some of these!
Sat Jan 26, 2013 9:02 am
This was damn funny, and I've been 'fortunate' enough to experience a little bit of this myself.
Thanks for sharing this man, it made my day
Sat Jan 26, 2013 9:10 am
I chuckled at a lot of them.
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